also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
