yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
