BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
