im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
