You made me cry and you don't even care
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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