I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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