it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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