If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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