I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
