So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
