Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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