all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
