Please, let me fuck your mom
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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