Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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