she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
