Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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