The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
either way he was missing a nipple.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize