Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
