If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Actions speak louder than pants.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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