I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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