I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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