it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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