literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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