yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
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I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
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Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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