This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
