mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
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