Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
of course. lets lasso hookers.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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