was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
