You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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