I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
