Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
