just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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