found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
