best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
