So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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