I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
you're hired as official boob wrangler
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
