Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
