it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.