i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I can't put those talents on a resume
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.