Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
