Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Is her dick bigger than yours?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
