How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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