I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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