i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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