You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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