He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
