No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize