I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
