I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
