I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
