My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
