you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize