Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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