i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
