but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just want to make out with him forever
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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