i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
