Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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