So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
