Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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