Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
