I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
