He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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