yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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