That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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