Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
