he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
