I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
