Buhtt sex?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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