Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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