: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I stole a fireplace last night.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
