Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
