She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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