God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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