had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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